My Big Fat Tamaranean Wedding
by the lone psychopath
Summary: Robin and Starfire are getting married. Starfire's family does not like Robin, so they force him through wacked up alien rituals. This is way more about the Robin torture, Raven, B.B and Cy placing bets on absolutley everything, and Raven trying to prove
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Before you read this I have two things to say. One, this is about the Robin torture, I'm not a comedy person not a romance person. Two, according to Animation Insider and TitansGo, Teen Titans has been officially canceled. However, Kim Possible and Family Guy were also "officially canceled" the fans got pissed off and wrote letters. Nothing is ever really official. I would rather you send letters to CN to save the teen titans than to review this! SEND THOSE LETTERS PEOPLE! He's the address.

**Cartoon Network**

**1050 Techwood Drive**

**Atlanta, GA 30318**

* * *

It's the part of "Stranded" before Cyborg called Starfire Robin's girlfriend. While Star and Robin were beating up that thing, Cyborg took out Control Freak's remote and pressed the pause button. 

"Ever think they'll admit they like each other?" Cyborg said.

"No," Raven said, "for that to happen Robin would have to admit it to himself and then come out of denial. It would disrupt the time space continuum, the universe would fall apart, it would nullify all creation, reality would cease to exist… or it'd end the series, which is pretty much the same thing." (A/N: I actually wrote this before I knew they were gonna ax the show… I didn't realize how true that was until now.)

"Five bucks says I can get them to admit they like each other in this episode."

"_Show cancellation_-"

"My money says in a few months!" B.B said, "What do you think Raven?"

"Ten years."

_**Ten years later…**_

"Robin," Starfire said, "I have been waiting thirteen years for you to ask me out," Robin was now twitching uncontrollably, "if you do not do so within the next minute I shall leave and be the girlfriend of one of my many suitors who have done the flirting with me-"

"Starfire you know I'm not good with this kind of thing-"

"It has almost been one minute, I shall be the girlfriend of Mas or Menos or Larry or-"

Robin sighed, "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Glorious!" she hugged him, cutting off his flow of oxygen.

_**In the hallway…**_

Raven, Cyborg and Beast Boy have just heard everything. Raven put out the palm of her hand.

"Pay up." she said.

"What the?" B and Cy both asked.

"We made a bet ten years ago about how long it'd take for them to get together and I win. I want my money."

"…" Cyborg took out his wallet and gave Raven her money, B.B did the same.

"This isn't fair I am sooo gonna win my money back!" B.B said.

"I bet you ten bucks they break up in three months." Cyborg said.

"I say it'll last ten months."

"Two days." Raven said.

**_About three months later…_**

Robin and Starfire have been dating for a while; Robin had a lot of trouble admitting this to the team. Starfire had to threaten him with Tamarainen food. Raven was really ticked off she lost the bet. Cyborg and B.B were happy one of them would win their money back. Now everyone's in the main room and Blackfire has just come on the TV, two little Tamarainen kids were shooting starbolts at each other in the background.

"Hello sister." Blackfire said with an evil grin. Let's just pretend Blackfire's married a Tamaranean jewel thief and they've had two kids already, "Galfore will not be happy when he sees the big scandal on the cover of The Daily Tamaranean," she held up a paper that had a picture of Robin and Starfire making out on the cover, with big headlines about the princess and her alien boyfriend. Robin began to twitch uncontrollably; he was totally freaked that more than five people knew he was going out with Starfire.

"Hehehe… that is not me that is merely two happy earth people who happen to bear resemblance to us…." Starfire said nervously.

"You honestly expect Galfore to believe that?"

"…"

"Didn't think so-" a scream is heard in the far off distance, "guess Galfore just found out. Bye." The TV shut off.

"Starfire why did you just deny me?" Robin asked. "You forced me into admitting to the team that we were dating."

"My homeland is not very accepting of other cultures. The only people who ever marry non-Tamaraneans are royalty and that is only for alliance purposes-" the TV turned on again, it was Galfore this time.

"WHO IS THIS EARTH BOY AND WHY HE NOT ASK ME TO DATE YOU?"

"He-"

"He is shorter than you, his build is bigger than yours and yet he is weaker than you, his clothing look like a traffic light that was beaten with ugly stick," Robin looked down in shame, "and he does not ask for my permission to date you!"

"He is very kind and respectful to me-"

"He would be respectful if he asked my permission!"

"I-"

"How come you not ask my permission to date Starfire?" Galfore asked Robin.

"I didn't know and we're 26 we can decide things for ourselves." Robin said

"You should have asked me."

Moment of silent glares.

"May I please date Starfire?"

"NO!" The TV shut off and Robin sighed.

"So you've broken up now?" Cyborg asked. Robin said no and Starfire said yes at the same time.

"What?" Robin asked, "You're going to end it like that!"

"It is the way of my people and if you cannot respect that than perhaps we should no be together!"

"I do respect your people and-" They started to argue.

"Pay up." Cyborg said, Raven and Beast Boy took out their wallets.

"Wait a minute!" Robin said, "You placed bets on when we'd break up?"

"So?" Raven and Beast Boy said giving Cyborg his money.

"That was not very kind of you." Starfire said.

"That was low," Robin said, "real low."

"Hey Raven said you'd break up in two days," Cyborg said, Raven shrugged, Robin and Starfire's mouths dropped, "I'm not that low."

"Well I said you'd last a year so I'm way higher than Cyborg or Raven!" everyone glared at him, "What?"

* * *

Starfire and Robin were kinda secretly dating, they figured if anyone found out they'd really have to break up. Then while Starfire was in the main room Galfore popped up on the screen with a "friend" of his. 

"Starfire," he said, "this is Predator, Predator this is Starfire."

"I find your dreadlocks most… interesting?"

* * *

"Starfire, this is Alien, Alien this is Starfire." 

"Please, why do you have two mouths?"

* * *

"Starfire, this is Chewbacca, Chewbacca this is Starfire." 

"I am sorry," Starfire said sadly, "I do not speak wookie."

* * *

"Starfire, this is the Silver Surfer, Sliver Surfer, this is Starfire." 

"He is Marvel!" Starfire said in shock.

"She's DC!" the Silver Surfer said in shock, "You never told me she was DC!"

* * *

"Starfire, this is Yoda, Yoda this is Starfire." 

"Is it not forbidden for Jedis to love?"

"Forbidden it is, see your dowry Yoda did."

"…?"

* * *

"Starfire, this is Frank N. Furter." 

Starfire stood there in shock. Frank bust out into song,

_"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from Transsexual Transylvania-"_

"No perverts allowed on the screen!" Raven said and whacked the TV with a broom multiple times and then Starfire shot it with her starbolts, "Good work Starfire, society needs to be protected."

* * *

"Starfire, this is Jabba the Hut, Jabba this is Starfire," then he whispered to her, "he is very rich!" 

"Umm…"

* * *

"Starfire, this is Audrey II, Audrey II this is Starfire." 

"FEED ME!" Audrey II said, "I'M STARVIN!"

"You have the name of a woman and yet your voice sounds like that of a strong black man. Please what is your gender?" Starfire asked.

"Whateva I hafta be for you to GET ME SOME LUNCH!"

* * *

"Starfire this is Maslakar," this was the guy she first thought she was gonna marry in Betrothed, "Maslakar this is Starfire." 

"I am most pleased to meet you!" Starfire said happily.

"I was wondering is your little brother seeing anyone?" Maslakar asked her. (A/N: Starfire had a little brother in the comics his name was Nightfire and in later chapters he's contributing to the Robin torture)

Starfire's mouth dropped.

"Hey is that green guy single? He's hot!"

"No I'm…" B.B began, then he realized that a guy had just hit on him; he screamed his head off, morphed into a cheetah and ran out of the room. He was now in the fetal position. Raven shut the TV off.

"At first your suitors were slightly amusing," Raven said, "now it's gotten pathetic. Please don't tell me you're considering any of them."

"I think that Chewbacca would make a wonderful friend… but I do not speak wookie." she looked down in sadness, "And I am worried about Robin. Everyday for the past several weeks he has come to me very nervously but could not find words to speak with, then he would sigh, strike his forehead and walk away calling himself an idiot."

Robin walked into the room, "Starfire… I…" he couldn't finish, he stood there for about a minute, sighed, smacked his forehead then he walked away, "you stupid idiot! Why can't I do this?"

"Exactly as he has just done now," Beast Boy peeked his head into the room and after seeing the TV was off he walked back in, "Raven, perhaps you can tell me why he is like this."

"Hmm…" she thought for a minute, "hey Beast Boy, three dollars says Robin's on LSD." Starfire narrowed her eyes.

"Make it five," Beast Boy said, "and I say he's on pot."

"Deal," they shook hands.

"Robin would not take drugs, he is smarter than that." Starfire said, "And you should not be gambling, it brings nothing but sorrow."

"Um, no," B.B said, "whoever wins gets money and money is awesome. Duh!" Raven nodded. Starfire glared at them.

* * *

Robin just walked out into the hallway, Cyborg was there 

"Robin," Cyborg said, "you're pathetic."

"Excuse me!" Robin said in shock.

"Just go back in there and propose to the girl."

"How'd you know?"

"Do I look like an idiot to you?"

"Do Raven and Beast Boy-"

"Raven, yes, Beast Boy, no."

"Ok… bye-" he attempted to run off but Cyborg grabbed his cape.

"You're going back in there now and you're gonna pop the question!" Cyborg picked him up and placed him in the main room, "ask her now."

"Umm… Starfire…" Robin was extremely nervous; he took out a ring, "willyoumarry-"

"YES!" Starfire took the ring and gave him a hug that almost killed him.

"Robin," Raven said, "are you on LSD or pot? Beast Boy and I made a bet."

"We must start planning things now! We can have a glorious celebration on Tamaran! They shall play the gorka pipes and we shall feast upon mustard with freshly squeezed glorg and Robin you shall get to wear a klorpa! This is the most wonderful thing that shall ever happen to me!" she hugged him again.

"Dude," Beast Boy said, "answer Raven's question. What drug are you on?"

"What drug are you on?" Raven asked, "I have money on you!"

"I'm not on any drugs."

"The fsck you aren't," Raven pulled out a syringe and quickly drew some blood.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR?"

"I'm not taking urine." She walked out of the room to analyze his blood.

"Five bucks says we can hear Galfore screaming on Earth when he finds out about this," B.B said to Cyborg.

"You're on." Cy said. Starfire froze in fear.

"You should really stop placing bets on everything." Robin said.

"I… must… inform Galfore of my engagement…" she fainted.

"We were both wrong," Raven said walking back in the room having analyzed Robin's blood freakishly fast, "he's on opium and steroids-"

"I had a poppy seed bagel," Robin said, "I'm not on steroids either."

"Yeah, you don't have a big enough build to be on steroids." Robin glared at her.

"Burn!" B.B said

"Sure you didn't set that poppy seed bagel on fire and breathe in the fumes?"

"Who the does that?" Robin asked her thinking WTF

"Someone on drugs."

"I'm not on drugs!"

"And I'm the queen of Spain."

* * *

A/N: That's all for the first chapter! Now I would be telling you to review this, but I won't because I want anyone who reads this to send a letter to Cartoon Network and ask them **_nicely_** (hate letters will only piss them off) to keep the Teen Titans alive! Fan power works! Once again, here is the address.

**Cartoon Network**

**1050 Techwood Drive**

**Atlanta, GA 30318**


	2. sure you're not on steroids

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Those of you who have no stamp money, "borrow" it from your friends! Steal it from underclassmen, even if you are one! It's for a good cause anyone should willingly give you stamp money! Get it by any means necessary! THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS! Do whatever you have to get the 37 cents to send those letters!

* * *

Starfire took a deep breath and then she turned on the TV and connected to Tamaran, "Greetings Galfore," she said, "I have most wondrous news."

"You're coming back to Tamaran?" he asked

"Yes-"

"Wonderful!"

"I have not finished, it is because I wish to have my wedding there. I am marrying Robin."

Pause.

"Excuse me for a moment." He walked out of the room and screamed, yes it was heard on earth.

"Pay up!" B.B said, "We can hear him scream!"

"That could be anybody," Cyborg said. B.B glared at him, "Fine you win," he gave B.B the money.

(A/N: The italics are when they're speaking Tamaranean.)

"_WHY DO YOU WANT TO MARRY SCRAWNY EARTH BOY? He not royalty!"_ Galfore asked Starfire.

_"You once told me to follow my heart!"_ She answered.

_"That was when you were sixteen! I didn't think you'd still like that earth boy! I would shoot myself if I was with my girlfriend from when I was sixteen. Blackfire," _he called her over, _"Would you like to be with your boyfriend from when you were sixteen?"_

_"Hell no," _Blackfire said without question, _"He was cute and all but seriously that guy couldn't rob an unlocked bank with no security cameras." _

_"Robin is different!"_ Starfire said, _"And you told me to follow my heart." _

_"What I meant to say was that you should follow your heart to Tamaran and marry a nice Tamaranean boy of nobility!" _Galfore told her.

_"I have found my husband on Earth and if you do not accept him we shall be married here before you can come get me and none of you shall be invited."_

_"You are bluffing." _

_"I will do it!" _

_"No you won't."_

_"Yes, I WILL." _They continue to argue, Beast Boy and Cyborg were speculating on what they were saying, Raven was giving Robin a polygraph test.

"Think he's gonna let them get hitched?" B.B asked.

"Yeah," Cyborg said, "but they'll put him through some bizarre ritual."

"Wanna put your money on that?"

"Sure."

* * *

Cut to Raven and Robin "Have you ever smoked cigarettes?" Raven asked. 

"No." Robin said.

"Have you ever taken pot, grass, weed, dope or whatever you call it?"

"No."

"Crack?"

"No."

"Speed?"

"No."

"Angel dust?"

"No."

"Ecstasy?"

"No."

"Glue or sharpie markers?"

"No."

"Opium?"

"No. Why do I have to go through with this?"

"You're marrying Starfire. She had the right to know if you're a drug addict. You on LSD?"

"No." The machine was going off a little bit.

"Yes I'm sure that you never had 'Slade dust' more than once."

"No." The machine was still going off.

"Beast Boy so owes me money now. Are you on stimulants?"

"No."

"What if I were to tell you some people put 'roids in that category?"

"No! I AM NOT ON STERIODS!" The machine was going off like crazy.

"Sure you're not… Are you cheating on Starfire?"

"I thought you were supposed to be asking me about drugs?"

"How am I supposed to know you didn't get high and run off with some girl? You're marrying Starfire, she needs to know this. Are you cheating on her?"

"No."

Raven looked at the machine and saw it said he wasn't lying, "Damn it."

"What?"

"I owe Cyborg five bucks."

"You really need to stop betting on everything."

"When you get off the steroids," she looked at his ridiculously small build, "or find some that work." Robin glared at her.

* * *

Cut to Starfire, she's been arguing with Galfore for a while they have just reached an agreement. 

_"Robin is not Tamaranean, we shall have to make him one. Then you may marry him."_

_"Many thanks! This is most joyous and wonderful!" _she said with hearts in her eyes.

_"Good, he must meet every thing on this list,"_ the list began to print out and because it was written in Tamaranean it looked several hundred times longer than it was.

_Things scrawny earth boy must do before marrying Princess Starfire, who he will always be beneath_

_1. Convert to the Tamaranean Orthodox Church._

_2. Learn Tamaranean etiquette._

_3. Wear traditional Tamaranean formal clothing at the wedding._

_4. Pass the Tamaranean citizenship test._

_5. Swear loyalty to Tamaran. _

_6. Prove that he will never let Starfire know poverty or hunger. _

_7. Sign a document that should you ever get divorced says Starfire gets **everything**._

_8. We must meet the family of the earth boy. _

_After the above have been completed earth boy shall be permitted to marry Starfire, but I will still not be happy about it. _

A/N: In short, get baptized, eat the food, lift the big arse cups, wear the clothes expose Batman to Tamaranean culture, and go through many other painful and humiliating tasks. Muhahaha!

_"Thank you! I shall inform Robin and I am sure he would be more than happy to complete your list!" _The TV shut off, the list was at least six feet long. Robin was done with his lie detector test.

"He's on steroids and LSD," Raven said, "I suggest you reconsider-" Starfire didn't pay attention to her.

"Robin," she said, "Galfore says that we shall have his approval to wed if you complete all of the tasks on this list," she held up the list, Robin fainted, "it is not as long as it seems."

* * *

After an explanation 

"So what exactly does he mean by Tamaranean etiquette and formal clothing?" Robin asked kind of nervously.

"It shall be simple," Starfire said, "it is merely table manners," Robin twitched, "and we shall have to purchase your klorpa on Tamaran."

"What's a klorpa?"

"It is the Tamarainen version of what I believe is worn in the land of Scots known as a kilt."

"You have got to be kidding me."

"All handsome young men wear them. The only men, who wear pants, are weak cowardly men who haven't enlisted in the military on a voluntary basis." Robin started banging his head on the wall, "and I shall teach you table manners here so that you will make Galfore happy. But first we must pick the date and make plans."

* * *

**_Later…_**

"This was a really hard decision," Robin said to B.B and Cyborg, "but only one of you could be my best man-"

"Hold it!" B.B said, "Me and Cyborg are best friends so we're gonna be each other's best man!"

"Yeah," Cyborg said, "we wouldn't be able to return the favor, you'd be better off finding someone else."

"And didn't Starfire say that your best man would also have to convert to her freaky religion too? Cuz I'm staying a member of the Church of Nintendo for life!"

"Thanks." Robin said sarcastically, "Thanks a lot."

"Happy we could help!"

Later Robin asked Speedy, Aqualad, Hot Spot, Wilderbeast, Kid Flash, Red Star, Jericho, Mas, Menos and just about every other male superhero he could think of, they all refused when he said they'd have to convert. Poor Robin… NOT! Cut to Starfire.

* * *

"Raven," she said happily, "would you like to be my maid of the honor?" 

"Wow…" Raven was a little confused and shocked, "you don't have some best friend on Tamaran?"

"No."

"Do I have to change my religion?"

"No that is just for the best man and Robin."

"Ok, sure." Starfire hugged Raven, Raven's eyes popped.

"This is most wonderful! You will get to wear Tamaranean clothing!" Raven pictured herself in Starfire's outfit and started twitching while Starfire rambled on about how fun everything would be. Raven fainted. Robin never could find a best man. Seeing that Terra was a rock, they were gonna get her baptized into Starfire's religion but later found out it wouldn't work because they needed Terra's consent, which they could not get, she is a rock. Two days before the wedding they got Predator to fill in as Robin's best man.

* * *

Starfire set the table like they did in Tamaran, it collapsed due to the weight of the goblets, after purchasing a new table and setting that one… 

"This is our only utensil," she held up one of those big three pronged forks, "before special occasions we have the toast, as the groom you must make one, you are to simply lift the cup and say what you will say at the wedding."

"Eh? I have to lift that?" Robin asked remembering what happened last time.

"Yes."

"Ok then…" he tried to lift it in vain.

"Do you need any help?"

"No, I can do it."

"Are you sure?"

"I have to do this by myself."

"As you wish." She walked away.

"Think he can lift it?" Raven asked Cyborg.

"Seven bucks says he asks for Star's help." Cyborg said.

"My money says he'll be there for hours, days, maybe even weeks. Then he'll give up, get really mad at himself and try to lift it again only to realize that he couldn't lift that cup in the first place."

**_Several hours later…_**

Robin is still trying to lift that cup. Then Starfire walked in with a sippy-cup.

"Young children use these; they are much lighter in weight perhaps you would like to use this one?"

"No thanks, I'll be able to lift this any minute now."

**_Any Minute Now…_**

He is still trying to lift the cup.

"Robin," Raven said, "it's been two days, and you still fail to lift the drinking vessel. I recommend you change the brand of steroids your taking." Robin glared at her.

"You could ask Starfire for help." Cyborg suggested, "This is her thing."

"Don't, it's an insult to the quark sized amount of virility you have." Robin glared at Raven again.

"Don't listen to Raven, ask Starfire for help."

"He's only doing this so he can blackmail you later."

"No," Robin said, "the two of you placed a bet on something having to do with me and this cup. I'm not listening to either of you."

Raven and Cyborg gave Robin the death stare.

* * *

Robin never was able to lift that cup. They agreed that they'd get him a bootleg cup that was made out of a lighter material. After Robin learned Tamaranean table manners, the titans along with Batman flew to Tamaran. 

"So Starfire, you're from Tamaran?" Batman asked.

"Yes," Starfire said, "and I am sure that my family will be no less than overjoyed when they meet you!"

"Ten bucks says Batman will be traumatized for life after this." Raven said aside to B.B.

"Word" B.B said.

"How long have you known each other?"

"At least eleven years." Starfire said.

"When did you start dating?"

"Three months, one week, two days, seven hours, two minutes and forty three seconds ago!"

"Isn't that kind of weird?"

"Not really, for the majority of those eleven years Robin was in denial, but then the disbelief, bargaining, anger and finally acceptance came very quickly.

-The Trauma Cycle Robin Style- (A/N: I'm not sure if this is the right order or even the right phases... but who cares?)

**Phase 1: Denial**

Robin: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!

**Phase 2: Disbelief**

Slade: Robin, I am… your fourth cousin on your mother's side. That's right; we have the same great-great-great-grandparents!

Robin: (pale with fear) No way…

Slade: Way.

**Phase 3: Bargaining**

Pharmacist: Sorry, I can't sell you these steroids, you're too young kid.

Robin: I'll give you anything! The R-cycle? My mask? I'll be your body guard! ANYTHING!

**Phase 4: Anger**

Robin: THOSE BOOTLEG STERIODS YOU SOLD ME DIDN'T WORK!

Slade: Oh dear me, I must've given you estrogen by mistake. No wonder you're so bitchy, all of those female hormones must be screwing up your normal menstruation cycle.

Robin: DIE SLADE!(Jumps Slade, Slade flips him over, then throws him against the wall)

**Phase 5: Acceptance**

Robin: (strangling one of Starfire's fanboys) She's mine! Go hit on Raven!

Raven: (gives Robin the death stare)

Robin: (realizes everyone is staring at him, goes back into denial)

-End Trauma Cycle-

"Interesting…" Batman said, "Starfire, how did you learn English?"

"It's a really long complicated story." Robin said.

"It's not complicated," Raven said, "he's traumatized." Robin glared at her.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"But it was most humorous." Starfire said, "Let us tell him."

"Maybe some other time…"

"I'll tell Batman!" B.B said, Robin smacked his forehead, "So the Doom Patrol was all 'Beast Boy you can take care of your own ass go join the teen titans' and I'm all '**_FINE_ **MAYBE I **_WILL_**!' so then I did join the teen titans. So it was me and Robin right, then we saw Raven total some car cuz the guy tried to pull her into it and kidnap her then she totally kicked his ass and it was awesome and then Robin was all 'Join our group' and she was all 'sure, you suck man' and then we saw Cyborg and he joined cuz he's awesome and then we saw Starfire chasing after some alien and shooting at it and we were all 'wicked!' and she was all 'DIE!' in Tamaranean so maybe she was saying something else but I think it was **_'DIE!_**' and then she killed the thing right, so we cheered her on, except for Raven who was reading some boring crap by some dead guy," Raven glared at him, "but Starfire didn't know any English so we couldn't talk to her and she was all tryin to talk to us but she couldn't so then we tried to talk to her and couldn't and then I came to the rescue with a Klingon-English dictionary! Then Starfire was all-"

"Beast Boy," Raven said, "that is not what happened."

"Fine if you think you can tell it better, go ahead."

"I had just met up with Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy after ditching Azarath. Starfire killed a monster that was chasing her; we had no way to communicate. I couldn't care less, Beast Boy was reading random Kilngon words out of a geek dictionary like an idiot," B.B glared at her, "Robin was actually thinking of a way we could teach her English but then she figured it out for herself, traumatizing Robin up until recently… I think." B.B and Cyborg started to snicker.

A/N: I'm not saying how she learned English, you can look it up for yourself or if you're lazy and you wanna wait for it to air, I think it'll happen in the episode "Go!" then again it might not and we'll never see it, unless there's a SEASON SIX! Send those letters to cartoon network! Force your friends too! I will give anyone who writes at least two letters a cookie!

"Thank you for not going into detail." Robin said with his head down in shame.

"Forget I asked," Batman said, "I don't think I want to know."

"Trust me," Raven said, "it'd be better if you didn't."

A/N: Next chapter they get to meet the family and Robin is forced to endure Starfire's over protective little brother. Muhahaha…. while you're waiting for the update, send your save teen titans letters to cartoon network! If you need some motivation, just think of the little kids in pre-k that will cry when they find out the teen titans are dead for good. If you can live with that… you're sick, in the worst possible way.


	3. klorpas!

A/N: Sorry for the long update, too much chem. and global homework… honors classes are evil! Anyways… I was reading some message boards and a lot of people seemed totally clueless as to how Starfire learned English in "Go!" Tamaranean learn foreign languages through touch, she could have touched Robin, or anyone else who spoke English for that matter, any way she wanted. She just happened to choose to touch Robin the way she did. And thanks to all of the awesome reviewers! 

**Angel Forever**

**TTFAN**

**Batgirl**

**CatGirl R and S Fan**

**SabreJustice**

**Liobit**

**The Blind Dragon**

**Artemis 85**

**LedyDevimon13**

* * *

The ship is now pretty close to Tamaran 

"Hey Robin," Raven said, "you better trash your drugs now. If they catch you with your junk when we get off the ship they'll think you're a drug dealer-"

"I am not on drugs!" Robin said

"That doesn't mean you don't have any in your possession."

"What the hell is with you thinking I'm on drugs?"

"I do not think, I know. I am Raven the omnipotent, Kick Ass Party candidate for president, 2020."

"GO RAVEN!" B.B and Cyborg cheered as confetti and campaign ads fell from the ceiling. Robin ignored them.

"I think we're here." Batman said.

"Glorious!" Starfire said and got off of the ship, "Greetings my family! I would like for you all to meet my fiancé Robin!" she hugged him. He stood there in shock. Everyone looked at Robin, crickets chirped, "and his legal guardian Batman!"

"Welcome to Tamaran," Galfore said, "at first we were unhappy about this marriage but hey, now Robin is family, we have to like him… ok we pretend to like him."

"Um... Robin said Tamaraneans like mustard so I brought you-" Batman held up some mustard, their eyes all began to glow, "some…" Starfire's brother Nightfire grabbed the mustard, and then hell broke loose, the Tamaraneans now had their own fight cloud, "Is your family always like this?"

"No," Starfire said, "they can be much more entertaining than this!" then Starfire started cheering one of her cousins on, "Forrestfire, give him the chair!"

"My money's on that guy with the big build and a mace." Raven said.

"I call the girl with the war hammer." B.B said.

"Blackfire," Cyborg said, "Five bucks each?" B.B and Raven nodded.

About an hour later, turns out the winner was the one guy who waited on the side. After the mob had passed out he took the mustard out of some guys hand, put a straw in it and walked away drinking it.

"So who wins?" B.B asked.

"Uh… no one…" Raven said, "freaky. Must make another bet… or… will… go... crazy…"

"Quick we gotta make another bet or I'm gonna lose it!" Cyborg said.

"Fifty bucks says Robin uhhh… thinks about committing suicide at least once while we're here." All three of them gave sighs of relief.

A/N: For some reason I've seen Tamaranean culture as a clash between Scottish and ancient Nordic so that's what I'll be basing it on.

"Robin," Starfire said, "I must introduce you to my family!" she went to the pile that the mob had collapsed into and pulled out a few people, "You know Blackfire and Galfore, but you have not met my father or little brother, this is Nightfire," she was holding up Tamaranean guy with shoulder length red hair, a medium build, he was wearing one of those kilt thingies and he looked like he was either drunk or high. "You did not meet him the last time you were here because he and his friends were out conquering Gorgnox 23."

"Nice to meet you," Robin said he put out his hand to shake.

"Yo…" Nightfire collapsed.

"Battle has just made him weary." Starfire said, "He is fine."

"Are you sure? He doesn't look so good."

"He is fine. After I first introduced Tamaraneans to mustard it has been considered a rare delicacy."

"Are your kids gonna be like this?" Batman said aside to Robin. Robin glared at him.

Later, after everyone has regained their senses and is partying like crazy…

"So you're gonna be my new brother?" Nightfire asked.

"Yeah I guess." Robin said.

"You're marrying my sister?"

"Yes."

"So you must really like her then… "

"Um yes…"

"You've had dirty fantasies about her haven't you?" He gave Robin the death stare and pounded a fist into the palm of his hand.

"WHAT!"

"He's too lame to have fantasies." Beast Boy pointed out.

"Chill man," Nightfire said, "everyone has those, I won't kill you for it," Robin gave a sigh of relief; "I will kill you if you try _anything_ on her or if you already have! And X'hal forbid you've actually _done_ anything-"

"Eh…" Robin was really freaked.

"Chill, I'm joking, I won't kill you; I'll watch my friends draw and quarter you," he patted Robin on the back, "no worries man." Robin was really freaked, "I'm joking," pause, "don't try anything." He glared at Robin.

* * *

Meanwhile Galfore and Batman were talking 

"Are you Robin's father?" Galfore asked.

"No I'm more of his legal guardian/step father, something like that," Batman said, "his parents died when he was small."

"Same thing with Starfire, her mother died in childbirth with Nightfire and her father is missing in action."

"Oh… so what's it like to be the grand ruler of Tamaran?"

"It has its pros and cons."

Silence.

More silence

Even more silence.

Way to much silence.

Silence.

* * *

Back to Robin and Nightfire… 

"I bet you're one of those guys who has other secret families that Starfire doesn't know about! What if you're some wanted criminal back on earth! Is that why you're here?"

"I do not have other families and I'm on the good side!"

"Are you willing to swear that on top of The Bohfen?" he held up the Tamaranean Bible

"Yes!"

"Ok… good. You're cheating on her aren't you! You're cheating on her with that other girl whose here, or some girl on earth that we don't know about. My sister deserves better than that!" he prepared to shoot starbolts

"I wouldn't cheat on her in my wildest dreams." Nightfire's starbolts went down.

"You can't control your dreams. You have spoken a false truth… YOU DIE!" he was just about to shoot Robin, Robin was just about to fight back, when Starfire shot Nightfire with her starbolts.

* * *

Cut to B.B, Raven and Cyborg 

"Um… which one is booze?" B.B asked.

"You expect me to know?" Raven said.

Cyborg picked up something that kinda looked like a cheese wheel in hotdog casing and ate it, "you gotta try this! Best thing I ever tasted!"

"Is it a veggie?" B.B asked. Cyborg shrugged. Raven decided to try one and thought it wasn't half bad. Then they made a bet on weather B.B would eat it or not, he wanted Cyborg to win so he took one bite. Raven smacked him over the head, then picked up another one of the things and started to eat it as they watched the fight progress…

"Little brother," Starfire said "you are to treat him with respect."

"His rank is lower than mine why should I?" Nightfire asked

"Because I am marrying him."

"You deserve better than him!"

"Well I am certainly more lucky than whoever shall become your wife."

Nightfire shot some starbolts at her, she shot back, they got into their own fight cloud. The family took sides and started cheering them on.

"STOP IT NOW!" Galfore said pulling the two apart, "No blood shall be shed in this hall."

Starfire and Nightfire both shrugged and said ok. Starfire started talking to Robin and Nightfire walked to where Raven, Cyborg and B.B were", Hey you're Starfire's friends right?" they nodded, "Hi I'm her brother Nightfire. What's up?"

"This stuff is awesome!" Cyborg said, "I was wondering what it was?'

"Oh this?" he picked one up "It's raxis, it's a boiled boerbern worm's stomach stuffed with the meat and any other oragans in there with zorka berries. It's the national dish of Tamaran-"

All three of them stared at him wide-eyed. Then ran to the bathroom to throw up. Nightfire shrugged and started to eat the raxis he was holding.

* * *

Later that day, Starfire dragged Raven and Robin to the royal family's official tailor/fashion designer. 

"Greetings Yorjander!" Starfire said as she dragged Robin and Raven into the place, "My future husband needs a klorpa!" she stood Robin up

"Oh my X'hal!" Yorjander, the obviously gay designer said, "Whose been allowing him to be seen in public like this? This has got to go!" Raven smirked.

"I know my uniform sucks," Robin said, "Do you have to make such a big deal out of it?"

"I am also in need of a dress for my wedding." Starfire said, "And she will be my bride's maid." She held up Raven, who looked as miserable as hell, desperately wanting to kill someone at the same time.

* * *

After Raven's been in the fitting room for over an hour… 

"Raven," Starfire said, "I must ask what have you been doing in there?"

"Contemplating suicide." She answered from behind the door, "I'm not wearing this dress."

"Please, come out so that we may see you!"

"No."

"Fine than I shall come in there and force you out." This is exactly what happened.

"Starfire," Raven said, "I agreed to be the maid of honor, I did not agree to this!" she was in a dress similar to Starfire's in betrothed only this one was made out of that shiny purple material with bright orange and green stripes.

"But you look wonderful Raven! And shall attract many Tamaranean boys and then you shall get married as well-" Raven then envisioned herself getting married to a happy perky hyper male version of Starfire and began twitching in fear. Then she thought about how annoying several demon-human-Tamaranean hybrids would be and fainted. "Robin!" she pounded on his door, "One would think you are a woman, you have spent so much time in there."

"Can I please not come out?" Robin said from behind the door

"It is a sign of weakness and shall not be appreciated by my family."

"Fine," Robin opened the door; he was in a purple kilt/more conservative version of a loin cloth, "do I have to wear this?"

"Yes! You look most wonderful! All of the other girls on Tamaran shall be most jealous when they learn that you are marrying me!" she started laughing evilly.

"Oh my X'hal he looks like a train wreck!" Yorjander said

"Thank you." Robin answered.

"His hair is much to short."

"What?" Robin's mouth dropped in disbelief.

"I don't know why I didn't realize it before, you," he said to Robin, "no more hair cuts and start lifting weights, you," he said to Raven, "look wonderful just wake up and Starfire, you'll look perfect no matter what."

"Can I have my clothes back now?"

"Sorry it's in the furnace."

"WHAT!"

"It pained me to much to see anyone dressed that badly and to protect the eyes of the public; I'm giving you several casual klorpas for everyday wear."

"Thank you!" Starfire said, "That is most generously wonderful of you! Robin you will look wonderful." She hugged him, he started contemplating suicide.

* * *

Meanwhile on earth, at the Titans East… 

Speedy walked into the main room, "Is Bumblebee here?"

"No," Aqualad said, "why?"

"Robin's getting married." Cut to a shot of Mas and Menos crying in front of their Starfire shrine.

"So"

"Beast Boy called, they're throwing him a surprise bachelor party!"

"I can't go."

"What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Aqualgirl will put my head on a pike and parade it around the city."

"You suck man."

* * *

On the ride back to earth… 

"Tamaran is awesome!" Beast Boy said, "I asked mad girls for their numbers and they so gave them to be cuz I'm mad hot and then-"

Raven grabbed one of the papers, "Beast Boy," she said,

"What?"

"This is the universal rejection phone number." Raven took a few more of the papers and looked at them, "they're all the universal rejection number."

"You are so making that up!"

"Try me."

"Fine! I will! Twenty bucks says your wrong!"

"You're on."

B.B took out his comm. and dialed it, it started ringing and then a message started to play._"Hello, you have reached the universal rejection hotline," _this played in several other languages before English, "_for Klingon, press one. For Tamaranean press two." _Beast Boy was stunned,_ "For Vulcan press three. For Wookie press four. For Transylvanian press five. For Japanese press six. For Norwegian press seven. For Australian English press eight. For English English press nine. For ghetto American slang press ten." _

"Finally!" B.B said and pressed ten.

_"Da chick yo jus hit o' thinks yo o' crack!"_

"But… I thought that was Robin."

"Pay up." Raven said. B.B paid her while Cyborg laughed.

"So Batman how do you find Tamaran?" Starfire asked, "Is it not the most glorious place that you have ever seen?"

"Um…" Batman said, "it was very interesting." Pause, "Do we have to go back anytime soon?"

"For the wedding!" Starfire said with hearts floating around her.

"Hey Robin," Cyborg said, "nice man-skirt."

"It's not a skirt," Robin said holding in his anger, "it is a klorpa and the only men who don't wear them are losers who are afraid to join the military."

"Beast Boy," Starfire said, "perhaps you would not get as many of the rejection numbers if you were to wear one."

"No way man," B.B said, then he imagined himself as Braveheart kicking all of that arse, "actually… sure!" Cyborg, Robin, Raven and Batman all looked at Beast Boy popeyed as he took a klorpa from Starfire and walked into the back room to change. He came out, their eyes widened even more, "That's right if Beast Boy Wallace were here he'd consume the New Fu with fire balls from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse!" some bagpipes started playing in the background, "These things are awesome! They're all breezy! I'm never wearing pants again!"

"Are you insane?" Robin asked.

"Pants are for girls. Back home its hard to find a girl in a skirt, they all wear pants now so there's nothing left for guys except kilts and Braveheart wore a kilt and he kicked mad arse when they set the fields on fire and threw the rocks and at the Scottish games its always the built up guy in the kilt who can throw the big arse log the best and throw the big arse rocks the farthest and-"

"We get it."

"Cool! This is so my new uniform!" he started humming the Braveheart soundtrack and doing his very messed up version of the Highland Fling.

Raven, Robin and Cyborg smacked their foreheads.

A/N: Next chapter they make some more plans, Starfire has her bridal shower/bachelorette party and maybe I'll get to Robin's bachelor party, not sure yet. Until then… KEEP SENDING YOUR LETTERS TO CARTOON NETWORK! Do not threaten them or send hate mail, they won't take your letter seriously. Be polite in your letter and tell them how much you love teen titans and why we need a musical, Halloween and Christmas/Chanukah special! It is cruel and unusual punishment to the viewers of any show to cancel it without a musical and a holiday special. I want to see Slade break out into song!


	4. Tamaranean DDR

A/N: Sorry for the long update… I kinda went back into my Zelda phase and then got grounded for effing up a chem. test… damn moles and stupid balanced equations. Anyway, I'm kinda moving the bachelor/bachelorette parties to later considering that the wedding won't be for a while.

* * *

The ship was getting ready to land 

"Our return gladdens me!" Starfire said.

"Yeah, I missed home." Robin said.

"I know what you really miss," Raven said, "you miss your junkie garden. You're afraid your precious drug babies are going to die." (A/N: In the beginning of "Transformation" Robin _was_ watering flowers)

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I've seen your poppies and morning glory and woad and hemp, there are ways you can get drugs from all of them."

"Raven, I just happen to like poppies and morning glory. It's illegal to grow hemp-"

"It's illegal to do a lot of things-" Robin smacked his forehead

"And those woad plants are yours!"

"I only use 'em to make dye. It's not my fault if you get high off of them on your own time."

"What do I have to do to convince you I'm not on drugs?"

"Not be on drugs."

"I'm not!"

"And Slade is making paper snowflakes with little kids in pre-k."

* * *

**Cut to Slade…**

"Hello children!" Slade said, "Today I'm going to show you how to make paper snowflakes… of death!" All of the kids cheered, "Damn prison work release program…"

**Back to the titans…

* * *

Cyborg landed the ship. **

The doors opened, Robin was going to run out and into the tower to change his clothing before anyone could see him but when they got off. However a mob of paparazzi was there.

"Oh hell…" Robin said as the cameras flashed. Starfire smiled and waved.

"Robin, why are you wearing a kilt?" a random reporter asked

Robin didn't answer. He used his pole thingy to jump over the crowd and run into the tower. Starfire took Cyborg and flew over the crowd. Raven cursed the reporters out in Icelandic before flying to the tower and Batman snuck to the Batmobile. Beast Boy wanted some publicity

"Have no fear! I'll answer all of your questions!" B.B said, "Robin's in a kilt, but on Tamaran it's called a klorpa, cuz he's getting married to Starfire."

"Beast Boy, you're wearing a kilt also." Another reporter said, "Are you getting married too?"

"Nope." B.B said to all of the reporters, "I'm single and this is for the ladies to enjoy! I will no longer be called Beast Boy but… Beast Boy Wallace!"

"In Braveheart they wore no undergarments, what about you?" another reporter asked.

"That's for me to know and you to find out." A reporter tried to lift up his B.B's klorpa, "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERTS!" Another reporter tried to lift up B.B's klorpa, "I WILL GO POSTAL ON YOU!"

"Is it true that you and Raven are dating?"

"No."

"Raven and Cyborg?"

"No."

"Raven and Kid Flash?"

"Comics yes, cartoon no."

"Raven and Slade."?

"No… he's like sixty!"

"Raven and Jericho?"

"Comics sorta, cartoon no."

"Raven and Aqualad?"

"He's engaged to Aquagirl. No."

"Raven and Speedy?"

"No, weird as it is he's seeing Chesrie… in the comics anyway."

"Raven and Robin."

"I just said he's marrying Starfire."

"That doesn't mean he can't cheat."

"He's not!"

"Raven and Mas?"

"No."

"Raven and Menos?"

"No."

"Raven and waffles?"

"Actually it could be possible…" The press went nuts and started coming up with stories.

"Starfire and Raven?"

"Dude! She's marrying Robin!"

"Which one?"

"Starfire."

"It could be a cover up."

"It's not, she's straight."

* * *

**Meanwhile…**

"Where's Beast Boy?" Raven asked.

"Entertaining the press," Cyborg said and pointed out the window, "again."

Raven picked up a baseball bat, "Let's go get him."

**After they've gotten B.B inside…**

"Beast Boy," Robin said, "how many times do we have to tell you? No talking to the press!"

"The ladies deserve to see my new look!" B.B said, "and it wasn't like I said anything important."

"How much did you tell them?"

"I said that you and Star were getting married and the rest of us are single."

"That's all they need to twist it into something else!"

* * *

**The Next Day…**

"Beast Boy, you're responsible for this aren't you?" Cyborg held up a tabloid with a love **deca**gon on the cover.

"But I said only certain people were dating!" B.B said, Cyborg whacked him over the head with the tabloid.

"And the small article about how I molested an underage waffle?" Raven asked.

"Actually there is reasonable evidence behind that one." Raven gave B.B the death stare, then started twisting up the tabloid into a noose. Before B.B could ask her what she was doing it was around his neck. Robin walked in.

"Guys, stop-" Robin said only to be cut off when Raven shoved an article in his face about how he lost his virginity and ability to reproduce to an electrical socket, Robin was now also helping Raven strangle Beast Boy.

**Later…**

"Robin," Starfire said, "so far I have taught you proper Tamaranean etiquette, you have your formal clothing and my family has met Batman. Now you must study for the citizenship test," she held up Tamaranean DDR.

"Star?"

"Yes."

"That's DDR."

"I know, this is our new citizenship test. If you defeat the hardest level of the song of your choice you will be made a citizen."

"Ok… but shouldn't I be taking a written test or something."

"You could, but it must be a five hundred page essay in grammatically correct Tamaranean. They only grade them when they feel like it. You will earn more respect through DDR."

"COOL! TAMARANEAN DDR!" B.B said when he walked in and saw Starfire hold up the game. He took it, put it in the Game Cube and started playing. "Come on Robin, vs. me!"

"I'm not that good-" Robin said.

"But you must pass and this would be a good opportunity to practice." Starfire said. Robin sighed and walked over to the mat.

Meanwhile

Raven's comm. rang, "Hello."

"Hey Raven," Jinx said, "wanna throw a shower for Starfire?"

"Uh…"

_**--flash back--**_ Blackfire's bridal shower, Raven has been dragged there by Starfire

Raven: This seems normal.

Starfire: See I informed you there was nothing to fear.

Raven: Yeah I guess it'll be fine-

Random guy: ((walks in the door and jumps on a table)) STRIPPER'S HERE! (starts taking off his belt)

Raven: Oh hell…

Starfire: I did not know this would happen. (pause) But I am most glad it did!

Raven: (starts banging head on table)

Starfire: You do not wish to see the man remove his clothing?

Raven: I'm more into scrawny goth guys with a reasonable amount of intelligence

The music stops and everyone stares at her

Raven: What?

Cut to Raven being kicked out of the party

Random girl: AND STAY OUT!

_**--end flashback--**_

"So do you wanna throw her a shower?"

"And it would be rated?"

Jinx shrugged, "How many strippers does she want?"

"…"

* * *

**Meanwhile….**

Robin and B.B are DDRing (A/N: If that's not a verb it should be). Robin is doing it on easy and B.B is doing it on super hard, so, while B.B was dancing like a psychopath who's raided a chocolate factory, cursing under his breath every time he misses an arrow, Robin was barely tapping the arrows, having no to little idea when he missed one. If you've ever seen this in real life it's actually pretty funny. B.B won. Nightfire crashed in through the window.

"Hey Beast Boy," he said, "nice klorpa."

"Thanks." B.B said.

"Robin," his tone was no longer friendly, "It has just occurred to me that you have been _LIVING_ with my sister." (A/N: Yep, he just figured this out now)

"We have separate bedrooms with locks, besides Robin's a wuss."

"I remain unpleased. I will stay here to protect my sister until the marriage has taken place." He gave Robin the death stare.

"Cool! Wanna play DDR? I just unlocked a new song!"

"Sure, after I deal with bird boy," he said nicely to Beast Boy, then he glared evilly at Robin and said, "if you try anything I will prevent you from having children."

"What the hell!" Robin said, "I respect your sister and-"

"Like I said he's a wuss." B.B said. Robin glared at him.

"Why are you doing this?"

Nightfire didn't answer, just glared evilly at him and then started playing DDR with Beast Boy. Robin walked away. Raven and Cyborg placed bets on who'd win. Beast Boy and Nightfire were both doing the hardest song at the hardest level. The battle ended when Nightfire created so much friction that he set the mat on fire.

"Scheiße!" Nightfire said as he started to stamp it out.

"Aww man that mat was 20 bucks!" B.B said.

"I'm sorry; I forgot to mention that my people tend to get a bit worked up over this game. We've invented indestructible mats; I'll get you one to make up for this."

"Speaking of 20 bucks…" Cyborg said with an evil grin. Raven took out her wallet

"Hey," Raven said, "this doesn't count," she put her wallet back into her cape, Cyborg's grin faded, "if he had the Tamaranean mats he would've won."

"Well you never called it so I win."

"You do not, they're having a rematch with the Tamaranean mats."

"No they're not."

"Yes they are, right guys?"

"Sure I guess." Nightfire said.

"See they are having a rematch."

"Fine," Cyborg said, "but that still doesn't change the fact that B.B's gonna win."

"_Sure…_ Starfire told me DDR is a rite of passage on Tamaran. You really think a native's gonna lose to Beast Boy?"

"You're just pissed cuz you know B.B's score was higher!"

"Whatever," Raven got up, "wait a minute… Where's Robin! I bet he's shooting heroine as we speak!" then she saw one of those shiny novelty pens on the floor, picked it up and looked at it, "And so I've found his joint pipe…hehehe" she started laughing evilly.

"Raven," Beast Boy said, "That's a pen."

"That's just what he wants you to think! No one ruins my moment of glory!"

"I agree with Raven," Nightfire said, "Robin is on drugs **yet another reason to keep him away from my sister**."

"I think we could help each other out with this."

"Good idea."

* * *

A/N: That's it for this chapter! Next chapter… Robin takes the citizenship test… Muhahaha. Also if "Things Change" hasn't pissed you off enough to send a letter to CN, I have no idea what will. Make sure to tell them that you felt a part of yourself die and that we want Slade damnit! Here's a bonus to make up for the long arse update! The following is based on a dream I had.

* * *

I was at home playing piano, then it just stopped, a commercial went on in my head. Yes, my dream was interrupted by a commercial break go figure, this was it. 

Robin was walking down a street in what kinda looked like the city where the kids from hey arnold lived, it could've been any borough of NY. He was wearing street clothes, then he screamed "trouble", everyone on the street looked at him like he was on crack, and he flew (don't ask how) to the top floor of one of those three or four story apartments, crashed through the window and fell flat on his face.

Beast Boy: (in southern belle, gone with the wind type dress) DUDE YOU'RE LATE!

Robin: (now in GWTW dress) Sorry.

Starfire: (also in GWTW dress) are you now ready?

Cyborg, Beast Boy, Robin and Count Chocula(sp?): (yes, all in drag) YES!

They get into some pose and wave around boxes of chips ahoy

Director: CUT! Excellent work!

Raven: This is what's its come to? I've been replaced with some crack head from a cereal box! How come I wasn't in the commercial?

Beast Boy: (glaring at her) You wouldn't wear the dress!

They all shook their heads in shame at Raven. I started to play the piano again. Then I woke up.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all of the kick ass people who reviewed! 

**Blue Wallpaper**

**Phantom Moon**

**IwuvMyKenshyPoo**

**Wave Maker**

**The Resident Grass Stain**

**SabreJustice**

**TTFAN**

**Artemis 85**

**The Blind Dragon**


	5. you lack true passion for DDR!

A/N: Once again… sorry for the long ass update. I choose to blame it on that stupid should be burned in hell Pan-Slavism essay…

* * *

"Have you tried searching his room for drugs?" Nightfire asked.

"Actually… I haven't." Raven said, "He must be hiding his crack in there. Only problem is how to get in."

Cut to Robin's door.

Nightfire and Raven blast it open. Raven opened the closet and was shocked (ok she knew it was coming) at what she found… novocain… lots and lots of novocain. Behind that was a load of laughing gas.

"You have got to be kidding me." Nightfire said, "My sister is marrying one who can not endure pain, forcing himself to use these!" pause, "They'll never permit this," pause, "Wonderful!"

"So he is addicted to narcotics." Raven took out a camera and started taking pictures so she could prove to the world that Robin was on drugs.

* * *

_**Cut to Beast Boy, who happens to be Robin's DDR coach…**_

"Robin!" B.B said, "When two arrows pop up like that it means you have to jump like this!" he demonstrated, "It's really not that hard. Do you want me to slow down the speed of the song for you?"

"No I have to it this fast so I can marry Starfire," he said, "I'll practice it this fast."

"But you die three bars into the song. And the arrows don't start until the third bar. You should let me slow down the speed so you can get better at it."

Robin wasn't listening, just failing miserably at DDR after the song ended he said, "Fine you can lower it… but by one speed level only."

"Finally," B.B lowered the speed, "when do you plan on paying me?"

"What!"

"I can't give you these lessons for free. I mean I could be playing Final Fantasy now but out of the kindness in my heart I'm teaching you how to DDR."

"Ok, you get to find me a best man."

"I meant in cash or video games. Cash is preferred."

* * *

_**Cut to Nightfire and Raven…**_

"Should we confront him first?" Raven asked, "Or inform the public and let him find out that way?"

"We should act like we know something he doesn't. It will drive him insane. He'll have to confess that way no one will think the drugs were planted here."

"It's too late for that; he already knows we know he's on drugs. You could use it as an excuse to kick his ass if you ever get seriously pissed at him." She handed him some polaroids.

"Thanks."

Starfire walked in, "Nightfire, the radical leader of the Gorgnox 23 nationalist group is on the phone for you."

"_Idiots keep making stupid threats for their stupid independence…_" Nightfire mumbled as he took the phone from Starfire's hand and walked out.

"Raven, may I inquire as to what you were doing with my brother in Robin's room?"

"What do you think?"

"Robin is not on drugs and you shall not prove it because you cannot prove something when it is not true!" Starfire pulled Raven out of Robin's room. Raven grinned evilly now that she had proof, "You have corrupted my bother as well haven't you?"

"No, he just wants you as far away from Robin as possible."

Cut to Nightfire…

_"Katgane" _Nightfire said, _"I refuse to make any compromises with you until I have spoken with my advisors and that's final!" _he turned off the phone.

_"Nightfire,"_ Starfire asked, _"Why is it that you have treated all of my friends except Robin with kindness?" _

_"He is inferior. I can accept you being friends, I can even accept you loving each other as siblings do, I can not accept your marriage! He requires pain killers when getting his teeth drilled, he is weaker than you, he has no powers, just abnormally hideous clothing and a stick!"_

_"He is a martial arts expert and has a reasonable amount of intelligence. I believe his intelligence is higher than yours."_

_"I am sure any of my friends would be more than happy to-"_

_"You will not set me up with one of your friends. I am marrying Robin! What is so wrong about that!"_

_"One, you are of a different species! Two, he is not royalty! Three, what do think our parents would feel if they were still here?"_ This was the spark that caused Starfire to explode on her brother. Her mom died in childbirth with Nightfire and Nightfire never met his father, Starfire hardly remembered either of them. She went crazy. Nightfire went crazy back.

"Twenty on Star," Raven said, "older sibling advantage."

"Twenty on Nightfire," B.B said, "Y chromosome advantage" Raven smacked him over the head, "Hey! Fine… more muscle mass advantage."

"Twenty says it ends with both of them KOed" Cyborg said.

"They're fighting because of me, aren't they?" Robin asked.

"Yup." B.B said.

"What do you plan on telling the insurance company?" Raven said, "I don't believe they cover sibling rivalries as a natural disaster. If our rates go up I'm not paying."

Cyborg, B.B and Raven all glared evilly at Robin. Robin smacked his forehead. Nightfire had Starfire in a headlock, Starfire elbowed him in the groin, she broke free and started shooting starbolts at him, he shot back at her. The microwave dinged, B.B got the popcorn. Cyborg took out a video camera and began to film them. Nightfire grabbed a lamp, Starfire grabbed a toaster oven, they whacked each other with their weapons of choice. Robin attempted to mediate; he was only hit in the crossfire. Starfire grabbed her brother, turned him upside-down and jammed his head into the floor, making a huge dent. Then Nightfire used his feet to grab her neck and fling her into the wall, he started shooting starbolts, she shot back. When Starfire got close enough to Nightfire she kicked him in the crotch, he smacked her over the head, then she kicked his shins, he started shooting starbolts, she shot back, then she started laughing, he started laughing, they both fell on the floor laughing. (A/N: I cannot tell you how many fights (violent ones) between my sister and me end like this.)

"What were we fighting over again?" Nightfire said smiling.

"I don't know." Starfire said. They paused for a minute and then started laughing again.

"**W** **T F** ?" Raven, Robin and B.B thought. Cyborg was just happy he had killer fight footage to put on the internet. Starfire and Nightfire had stopped laughing by now.

"Starfire," Nightfire said, "remember when we were small and used to play pjah?"

"Yes!" Starfire said excitedly, "I love that game! Let us play it now!" Starfire grabbed two frying pans and gave one to her brother. They flew out side and started whacking a starbolt around kinda like tennis only they were also pretending to be characters from a Tamaranean kid show they used to watch about evil aliens forcing innocent Tamaraneans to buy phone books. The other titans were watching in shock.

"Robin," Raven said, "you gave them some of your drugs didn't you! I bet ecstasy is running through their systems like crazy!"

"I'm not on drugs!" Robin said.

"And Slade is starring in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar."

* * *

**_Cut to Slade… several moths ago… _**

"I'm auditioning for the part of Judas Iscariot," Slade said to the casting people, then he began to sing _"My mind is clearer now. At last all too well I can see where we all soon will be. If you strip away the myth from the man, you will see where we all soon will be, Jesus! You started -"_

"King Herod." The casting guy said.

"What do you mean King Herod?"

"We think you're better suited to play Herod."

"Can I sing Damned for All Time for you? You didn't even let me go into my operatic rock voice!"

"No. You're Herod."

"Herod only has one stupid song! Judas has the best songs!"

"You know we could always make you an extra." Moment of silence, "I have the music for Hosanna right here-"

"Alright, you win this time but next season… um what play are we doing?"

"Hair."

"Next season, mark my words, I will play Berger!" he took his sheet music and walked away muttering every curse word known to man and several known to waffles, "Well Herod's song is pretty catchy," he thought to himself, "who am I kidding… damn prison work release program preventing me from getting the good parts."

* * *

_**Back to the titans…**_

"Actually…" Robin said, "we haven't heard from Slade in a while. He got five years for wafflenapping and should be out now. I should look him up-"

"Oh no," B.B said, "someone has a DDR battle tomorrow. You have to have DDR passion burn in your soul, right now its not burning. If you plan to win you have to live the game, you're not living it! You have to embrace DDR, you have to study DDR, you have to date DDR, you have to love DDR, you have to eat, you have to get past first base with DDR, you have to drink DDR, you have to breathe DDR, you have to have DDR flow through your veins, you have to live DDR, you have to **_BE_** DDR-"

"And Raven thinks I'm on drugs."

"And that you've recently corrupted Beast Boy," Raven said.

"DDR is no laughing matter," B.B said, "come with me. By tonight you will feel the passion for DDR burn in your soul and you will win that competition!"

* * *

_**The Next Day on Tamaran…**_

"Congratulations Robin," the judge said, "you are now a citizen. You passed by ten points but that's good enough." He gave Robin a certificate. B.B shook his head in shame at Robin, seeing that Robin did not truly have the love for DDR that he should have.

"He masked his steroids with Advil." Raven muttered. Later that day Robin swore loyalty to Galfore and all of Tamaran in the little Tamaranean Starfire taught him.

"Good," Galfore said, "sign this." He handed Robin a paper.

"Uh… Star?" Robin asked her to translate, she explained that in the extremely (yeah right…) unlikely event that they were to get divorced, she got everything. It was required of any non-noble who was marrying into the royal family. He signed it.

In the meantime, they've sent out invitations, booked a catering hall, found a wedding singer and booked their honeymoon. Jinx called Raven again about Starfire's party. Raven BSed about Starfire wanting to bring Silkie, meaning they'd have to have it somewhere rated PG, so they decided to have it at a club where people kept their clothing on. Beast Boy on the other hand was in charge of throwing Robin's party…

* * *

_**Cut to Chuck E Cheeses the night before the wedding…**_

Beast Boy is doing a victory dance, he just kicked major ass at ski ball. Wilderbeast, Hot Spot, Mas, Menos, Cyborg, Red Star, Killowat, Gnark, Kid Flash and Speedy (especially Speedy) are giving Beast Boy the death stare… they wanted a stripper. Nightfire was kind of pissed, he wanted an excuse to kick Robin's ass. (He was saving the laughing gas one for later) Robin was happy because Nightfire didn't have an excuse to kick his ass. Jericho couldn't make it; he was the lead guitarist in a production of Jesus Christ Superstar to Slade's dismay.

"Beast Boy," Speedy tapped him on the shoulder, "we need to talk."

"One minute," B.B said, "ski ball-" Speedy pulled him away, "What'd you do that for!"

"This is Robin's last night as a single guy."

"Duh, he's getting married tomorrow."

"Don't you think he's entitled to a stripper?"

"We have a can of paint stripper at the tower. He can have it."

"That's not the kind of stripper I was talking about."

"Oh…" pause, "Why do you wanna go there? They don't have ski ball at the nudie bar! They suck!"

Speedy smacked his forehead. "Why don't we ask Robin if he wants to go?"

"Ok, but nothing beats the power of ski ball." Beast Boy made some weird ninja moves.

"You seriously need to ditch the man skirt."

"It's a klorpa and hot alien babes and a few Earth ones think I'm the sexiest thing alive in it!" Speedy ignored this.

"Hey Robin," Speedy called him over, Nightfire followed, "wanna head to the nudie bar?"

Robin was about to answer, Nightfire began to edge him on, "Nightfire," Robin asked, "is this some kind of a trick?"

"No," Nightfire said with an evil grin, "I'm simply testing your faith."

Robin looked down in shame; he realized Starfire would be extremely pissed at both of them if they got into a fight. He just wanted to get the crap over with, get married and get away from the nut jobs surrounding him. Then he looked at the ski ball set ups, "They don't have ski ball at the nudie bar." Robin would come to regret this choice in a number of years.

"YES!" Beast Boy said, doing the happy dance, "ski ball conquers again! In your face Speedy! Go ski ball! Go ski ball!" Speedy smacked him over the head, "You call that a smack? Raven can hit me harder than that," Speedy hit him again, "Ow! Ok," he started rubbing his head, "you can hit at the same level as Raven if you want to…" he rubbed his head some more, "stupid waffle molester," he muttered under his breath.

* * *

A/N: That's it for now… next update, Starfire has her party, the wedding and then… the reception. To make up for the long update, I've decided to list a few of my little sister's theories about the titans. During the summer I might post the songs she wrote to go with them.

1. Why Starfire is always so perky and happy - she has a disease.

2. Why Raven is all sad - she got hit in the head with a basketball at age 7 and her best friend, who was a carpenter bee, died.

3. Why Beast Boy is green - he had a lot of nightmares at a young age about a fairy princess turning him green. Then one day it happened.

4. Why Cyborg is partially a robot - He went to Meaty-Meat one day and ate a burger; the sprit of the dead cow got mad and caused all of him to get infected. Then he went to the hospital and they had to replace most of his body with robotic parts.

**_--drum roll--_**

5. Why Robin is I dunno… this just explains everything - He was born a girl. He changed into a boy overnight and is very sad about it.

A/N: And now time for thank yous for the kick ass people who reviewed.

**Blue Wallpapaper**

**The Resident Grass Stain**

**SabreJustice**

**Ravensprit**

**Yuri Sawamura**

**Artemis 85**

**TheSkeet**

**waning crescent**


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